I'll take Loser for $1,000 Trebek

I know I haven't been on here in a while, but my court-ordered "Dr. Phil" says that it's good for me to get on here and vent.  Plus, I know all of you have been waiting patiently for me to put my genius on paper.  So instead of 21 questions, since I am not Fiddy Cent, I am giving you 21 answers.  So here it goes:

1.) I like soy sauce. I hate Snooki...and other fake Italians who have given us Mediterraneans a bad name.
2.) I am still confused on how vampires/wizards are cool now when they were geeky/nerdy when I wanted to be one.
3.) Amanda Bynes has, and always will be, my Hollywood crush. :)
4.) No girls, I am not going to Johnny Holms concert in your small town. 
5.) I still giggle everytime I hear Johnny Holms because of the '80's porno star of the same name who died of AIDs
6.) I don't google plus, negative, sext, twatter or book your face if I think you are a boring person.  I don't really know how the sexting works anyways.  Is that bad?
7.) The best meal is the meal of a champion.  That's right, folks.  I'm talking about the 4th Meal from Taco Bell.

8.) I am from Orlando area of Florida so yes people of the FM area and wherever else, I HAVE BEEN TO DISNEY WORLD, DAYTONA BEACH, MIAMI, etc....But no I have not yet met any of the crew of Swamp People.
9.) I don't really know how to say this, but I am a STRAIGHT man in America....a dying breed, I know..
10.) I'm not "down like a clown" because clowns always smile. I am, however, down like a frown.
11.) I never made it as a Mime. People never got the jokes I was telling them.
12.) Relationships never work out for me.  They always want to date and I always want to just act like I care.
13.) This is an unlucky number in most cultures, but not pop culture.
14.) I like a few different kinds of "bush" or "Busch."  Ex. Busch Light, George Bush, Bush's Baked Beans, Busch Gardens, etc. But it's kind of a turn off if a chick has a bush.
15.) Shaq is actually an avid Kobe user on NBA 2K11. He isn't fooling me.
16.) Number of times I've been rejected...today.
17.) Number of girls I've been rejected by...this week.
18.) Number of times I'll get rejected...tomorrow.
19.) When I throw up after drinking, I blame it on my dyslexia.  Then people really look at me weird.
20.) People who say they aren't afraid of the dark have obviously never been to Narnia.
21.) The scariest movie of all-time is The Birds by Alfred Hitchcock.  I still get nightmares whenever I watch it.

So a blew ablee ablee ablee that's all folks.  Follow me on here and/or Twitter if you dare. And as for that Tina chick that I met this weekend with Amanda, if you read this, sext me. Laters Masturbaters

Inception

In this land of the lotus eaters, time seems to be stuck as if the hour-glass has been tipped on its side.  One day you’re dreaming, the next you realize that what you have asked for has become a Nightmare on Elm Street.  The best of times are now too distant to remember.  Mistakes made, hearts broken, relationships lost, harsh lessons learned.  She goes on without me, while I drown in the sea of pointless ambitions.  

I am not too sure on how I arrived here, but here I am, getting my lunch money taken from me by the bully known as reality.  I need to figure some things out, for my sake at least.  The gap is widening between us, the light at the end of the tunnel is dimming, and I'm too deep in to surface...

12 Simple Times

Oh, the simpler times, how I miss them so.  Times when there were no deadlines to be met, no timecards to punch in, no worries in the world, just simple times.  Times when you could walk down the street and worry about getting beat up for your lunch money.  Times when the only real job we had was being a school safety patrol officer.  Times when sports took up all our time, whether playing or watching, and that was our childhood dream.  And times when birthdays were about seeing who showed up to your party at Chuckie Cheese and not about trying to get blacked out drunk and throwing up by midnight.

Times when girls that you like for some odd reason, like Samantha Deyle, didn't confuse the hell out of you by denying you like Judas but then drunk texting you mad at something you didn't do and doesn't fight the fact that deep down she actually likes you. Times when girls had cooties and the hottest older lady you knew was the one random hot english teacher, and Heather Locklear (still hot).  Times when holding hands was laughed at but at the same time you were jealous because you didn't have a cutie holding yours.

Times when school was on a draw and "color inside the lines" basis and your grade was dependent on how nice you were to everyone in the classroom.  Times when your attitude in class was measured on much Ritalin you managed to not take for that day.  Times when bands like 98 degrees and The Backstreet Boys were okay to listen to.  And times when, if you had a Playstation, you were the man.

Oh the good times, how I miss them so.  At least it's summer now and even though I have to punch in everyday for my internship, I feel it is almost those simple days.  Simple days when everyone was...happy.  I miss those days.

Type This Down For Notes

What is it about computers that make us so addicted to them? They aren't attractive, they're not some hot chick that is randomly in your Sociology class.  They don't help our everyday lives much, except to see if Charlie Sheen (my hero) has showed the world once again that drugs really should come after hugs.  Winning!

Computers seem to do much more demise to our society than good.  Al Gore has stated numerous times that he is the founder of the internet.  Good for you Al.  What was supposed to be the dawn of a new age in technology, has now turned into a $500 wank machine for high school boys.  Social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter are more commonly used than Wikipedia.  And, even when someone does use Wikipedia for a project presentation they procrastinated on, no one that runs the site is even smart enough to have correct information abundant throughout the page.  I see too many pop-up ads for porno sites with unattractive, overly-pierced women, than I do for family friendly channels such as Nickelodeon or Disney.

So here is my call-out to people who are a friend to the computer:  Stop.  Even when reading this you are using the computer.  Go outside, get some fresh air, go workout, go work.  It will do more better for you than harm, trust me.  And for you high school boys I was referring to earlier, find a nice girl and take her....eh, what the heck.  Find a good site that will last you for quite a while.

Education is Peanuts

Let me paint a picture similar to Warhol for you, quick.  It’s high school and you’re in class.  The teacher, oblivious to the fact that everyone in the class is sexting their boy/girlfriend or looking at the phone app for Facebook, keeps talking about how letters have found a way to sneak their way into math problems.  She thinks she is making sense but to you it sounds more like “wah-wah” mumbling like the teacher Miss Othmar from Peanuts.  You aren’t paying attention to her but more so to the fact that no one is caring about this at all.  Doesn’t it seem a little ridiculous to you that no one cares?

That’s the problem with society today.  No one cares anymore to be anything more than a slacker.  This ongoing lack of self-motivation has destroyed our generations to come.  The saying goes, “He who is without sin, shall cast the first stone,” and believe me, yours truly had a first-class seat on the slacker train.  Looking back, I was more interested in sports and chasing girls than I was in learning economics or physics.  I was more into earning my way to a date with a cheerleader then earning my way to a college education. 

Maybe if kids stopped trying to be class clowns and started trying to be class president, then I'd care more about future education.  I did it with what was given to me, why can’t they?  Show me that kids in high school know the chemical formula for Sodium Chloride and not how to mass-text pictures of someone’s butt crack and I’ll start to believe in education again.  Until then, I’ll be in the library until 1 a.m. while the row of nerds plays World of Warcraft on computers paid for with our tuition money.

Pursuit of Happyness

What is the American dream? Is it chasing the dream/nightmare of having more wealth and power than King Solomon? Or is it a more simplistic answer of just a family in the 'burbs? Or even the misconceived, Miss America, type of answer of "World Peace?"  Does anyone really know how to measure success or is it a question that requires some time and the theme music from Jeopardy to answer? The pursuit of happiness is comparable to running a race on the Yellow Brick Road. It never ends and there's always little creepy people along the way to deter your progress.  One step forward, two steps back, it seems.

Food for thought:  Is it just me, or does the art of slow dancing have close to no significance in today's society? For once I would like to see a guy and girl that are bumping and grinding stay on the dancefloor of a club/bar when a song such as "All My Life" by KC and JoJo begins to play.  Come on guys, you want to get in like Flynn with her, you have to show some class and respect for the ladies every once in a while.

Blog 1: Intro to the Asshole

A few things I've learned on my travels through this wild ride called life. First, a morning of awkwardness is better than a lonely night. Second, I probably won't go down in history, but I will go down on your sister. And lastly, it seems that women are so into making themselves look more and more available and dumber by the day. I mean, with characters such as Kesha or even Paris Hilton, who's only real contribution to humanity is her sex video that you can barely see, women are so hell-bent on trying to be the bitch down the hall rather than the girl next door.  I guess the real question is, why do I loath that so much but still find it attractive?